our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
