I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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