I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
