I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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