I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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