my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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