maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
