My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
