I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
