Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
