i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize