just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize