Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
