Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
