I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
