Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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