sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
