well I can't set my house on fire every night
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
