So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
