do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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