The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
