just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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