please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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