I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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