i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize