yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
