My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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