the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
