I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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