In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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