Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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