i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
