This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
