How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
