I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
