I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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