I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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