meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
