He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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