So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
