the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
