I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
