nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
