Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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