How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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