this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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