I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
