i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
