Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
