Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
