if you like me you must not know who I am
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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