you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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