im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
