watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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