4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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