Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
