just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
be right there i have to get my cape
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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