Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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