So drunk its hurt
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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