Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
