The maid of honor just puked.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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