Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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