Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Alive.
So much puke
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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