I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
