Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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