I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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