there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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