I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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