hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
