saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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